Relationships are considerably the most difficult and riskiest thing you'll ever do in your life time. They take work (lots of it), trust, faith, commitment, and tons of foot massages. Unfortunately, they still can fail and many of them do.
I have had many relationships fail. Most of the time, they ended badly because the relationship was like a toxic fart after destroying a taco 12 pack.
However, not all of them were bad. Some of them were actually fine and for some reason I still couldn't get my head on straight.
I specifically remember this feeling that I just didn't "want" or "feel" it anymore. Like, all my "love" for that person suddenly disappeared or blew away in the wind. Why was this?
Why didn't I want it anymore when they have been nothing, but good to me?
If you have ever experienced this feeling or something similar before, you probably thought that they just weren't the "one" and moved on. Diving back into a life of self-absorption.
Just know it's not one giant mind game and there is probably a reason why your feeling this way.
A Serious Investment
I recently have found out one of the greatest tips for wanting a relationship more or at least not to fail at it.
- Investing time + energy into the other person without a direct return.
(Seems pretty simple, right? Read on.)-
Initially, it might not seem much like an investment because there aren't numbers involved, but if we break down why one might "succeed" in a relationship you might begin to think otherwise.
Here is a classic example.
A Mother and Her Child.
When I think about investing a lot of time and energy into another human being, I think about kids. They are a lot of work, they smell, and most of the time, are really annoying. However, a mother's love for her child can be so great that she can pick up cars.
(See dead lifters, you don't need protein...You just need love.)
And not only does a mother spend most of her time and energy feeding/cleaning/teaching her child, she does it without truly getting anything in return. At least, nothing physically. The baby isn't making her dinner or massaging her feet.
This type of "investing"
is where the $$$
happens. This is where you start to value someone else's life more than your own. This is where "love" is molded and how relationships strive.
Without it, things begin to decline.
Why they say giving is more important than receiving.
I love receiving gifts. I was given plenty as a child and I am very grateful for that. However, I wish my parents made me give back to the family more in some sort of way or really taught me the reasons why we give. You know, kinda like they did in the old days when the kids had to wake up at 5 am to feed the cows before school.
Unfortunately, most learning experencies are through failing. And if you had a childhood like me, giving will probably have to be a conscious effort. It's not like I am a selfish person either, sometimes I just get comfortable and let my own ambitions get in the way of my partner's.
I saw this happen in my relationship and see it happen in other relationships when couples have been together a long time. They don't feel like they need to impress the other person anymore and forget the fact that giving does more for the giver, than the receiver.
Now that I have had few bad relationships I'm starting to see that giving is way more rewarding. Especially, on my the giver's end.
Here are some reasons why.
- You'll want the relationship more.
- You'll be more likely to stick it out to the very end.
- You'll see more in return.
- You'll develop stronger feelings for your partner
"It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
For you, so I could come back a brand new me..." - Eminem
What's Holding You Back?
Cheating, lying, gossiping, a bad girl/boyfriend, we've all had our fair share of these. But, if you let these past experiences control your future actions, you'll be less likely to put the effort into your current relationship.
Vacuum the carpet, do the dishes, plan a date, or even, massage their feet. Do it with a smile on your face. Eventually, you'll find yourself fully wanting the relationship again and having a happy partner.
The more effort you put into something = the more you'll want that something to succeed.